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I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
A court date is still technically a date, right?
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.