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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.