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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)