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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.