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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.