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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Do angry people know about naps?
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.