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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.