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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)