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"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.