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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!