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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.