Daily Silly Status

I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.

A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.

Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.

Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)

For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"

There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.

There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.

I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.

What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.

I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!

If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.

Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.

Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.

That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.

Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?