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You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.