Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
My boss said β€œDress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.