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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
My body needs a refresh button.