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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Your personality needs alcohol.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.