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I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
The only dates I get are updates.
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.