Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!