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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.