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My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.