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Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.