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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.