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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)