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Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.