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ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.