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It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.