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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.