Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.