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The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.