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Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.