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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.