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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her