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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....