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I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.