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I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.