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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.