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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...