Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO