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I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...