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Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
Never squat with your spurs on
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...