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I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal