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Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
This century is already 15% over.
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe