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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.