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I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
Remember when the world ended last year?
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
Running behind is my cardio.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.