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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D