Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.