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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!