Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.