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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
Where is the button to restart summer?
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.