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Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.