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I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
I want to sleep tighter
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.