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Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.