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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
Marriage tip: Don`t
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.