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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
Jesus is coming.... look busy
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Men, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
heyy lol