Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.