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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.