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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...