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The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.