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It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Got tasered at speed dating again.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.