Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.