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Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.