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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.