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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.