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Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
“The darndest things.” -kids
My mind has a mind of its own.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.