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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.