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I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?