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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.