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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?