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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when Iām sober.
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.