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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!