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I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”