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Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)